Be kind wherever possible

Why Do We Hurt When People We Help Turn Against Us?

It feels like we failed. That’s why.

Even when we know better.

As human beings we are reciprocal animals. We anticipate something in exchange for help or kindness or being there for someone. What we anticipate varies and is a direct reflection of our own level of acceptance of who we are – or how we see our selves – or more accurately how we think other people see us.

In the big picture, it doesn’t matter how other people see us.  But who’s talking big picture here? It’s not the “big mind” that’s participating in this. It’s the little mind, the voice in our head. The voice that creates all the critical dialogue of self talk and self prosecution.

If we really care about people and want to give them something of our selves, on a higher level, we do not expect anything in return. The big mind is not attached to getting positive feedback or acknowledgement.  The “big mind” is not motivated by “self”. The little mind is. Whatever the little mind does is conditional and expecting something in return.

The big mind is “self-less” and gives unconditionally.

Giving and Receiving

Yet there is also an aspect here that comes into play:

completing the cycle of giving and receiving.

This is not so much in the sense of if I do “this”, then you must do “this”. It’s more like completing an electrical circuit. If you have a bad ground, the lights can flicker. When the cycle of flow is broken, it is disturbing and there is a mismatch energetically. This affects how we feel when we offer help and the receiver does not accept it well or fully. It’s like sharing a beautiful sunset with someone and they grunt and walk away.

Yet the disappointment ultimately stems from expectation and small thinking. When we truly love and care, the joy comes from seeing the other person benefit, not getting recognition for giving in the first place.

Most people I know that offer unconditional love are not people. They are dogs and cats.

Expectations…

On the positive side, we can learn how to let go of expectations and give fully unconditionally. It can be tricky to let go and just be, but that’s what we teach.

And back to the title of this post, it hurts when we give and do not receive in return at least a sign of appreciation and acknowledgement.

The truth is that when we really help someone get through some big issues and help them clear those negatives, if we do our job right they no longer remember the negative stuff from the past.

In a way, it is a very thankless job, helping people become whole again. Because when they are whole, they can not remember NOT being whole.

This requires giving what we have to offer unconditionally.

If we feel pain when those we help turn against us, we still have attachments to what we are giving in the first place.

I AM Michael Barrett and I Am a Workshop Facilitator and Life Coach.

 

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how did you get to be so awesome?

How did YOU get to be so awesome?

It’s no accident.

You came that way. Underneath the confusion, anger, disappointment and loss, you have always been awesome. It is your true nature.

YOU ARE AWESOME.

Deep within your secret fortress is the real you - behind all the protection devices.

Your wounded YOU stands behind the deflector shield created to prevent any further possibility of either being hurt again or letting others see the part of you that’s in pain.

true awesome self

Your True Awesome Self

The weird part about this is two fold.

One is that you are not alone.

Everybody does this. The only difference is the degree  - or the level - to which this type of energy pattern affects our life, our health and our attitudes. Each level is specific to each individual and his or her life experience and environment.

The second is that you did not create this defense system consciously.

You did not consciously choose it and most of the time you are not consciously aware of the mechanisms when they are operating. Subconscious patterns drive this. Throughout our day to day life we accumulate dysfunctional energy patterns along the way. There is a tipping point of sorts within the human energy system. We can deal with something internally for a long time before it locks itself in when it connects to enough other small angers, emotional pain, trauma and uncomfortable or unhappy experiences. Upon achieving a system max, these events and experiences form a new pattern and collectively lock in a change in the energy.

Changes like this become customary and the new defaults.

These defaults express dysfunctional patterns on the exterior in the form of behavior, thinking, language, attitudes and health. Once this “unconscious” energy choice is made, that’s the way things are until we go back into the system and clean out the dings and the glitches.

Isn’t it interesting that things can affect us or drive our motivation, behavior and thinking patterns without our knowing it? Having a hard time thinking of an example? How about this these:

It’s been years since you spoke to your ex and in your mind you have “let that old stuff go along time ago.” Then the phone rings and your ex is on the other end of the call. Just hearing the voice triggers all kinds of old feelings and you begin to get uncomfortable. Or why do you get anxious when you find out your boss or your partner just scheduled you to speak to a large group of people? Or why do you react when someone offers criticism? Or how about your health, long term relationships, family?

You’re not choosing to respond the way you do, it just happens. It is that internal default creating the re-action.

It certainly makes identifying the problem a challenge when your conscious mind is not able to see it. And as a result, it makes resolving it virtually impossible.

Until recently, there were no simple and effective tools available to clean and reorganize negative defaults in the subconscious and energy. Now we have one that works really well and this is what we use all the time in our workshops and sessions.

The outcome – by using these tools – is to re-discover the awesome true self within you. You uncover what was already there by releasing the confusion and distortions. When that happens your re-activated, natural defaults – that have always been in your energy and subconscious mind – become the new defaults again.

And then when someone asks you:

HOW DID YOU GET TO BE SO AWESOME?

You’ll be able to tell them.

 

I AM Michael Barrett. Alexandra Barrett and I Do Interactive Group Workshops, Private Sessions and Life Coaching. Join us for a workshop, you’ll love it and you can read testimonials from other participants and clients here.

Source for light picture.

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